Selected Bits from Bruce's Monologues Cited in the Cafe Au Go Go 
Obscenity Prosecution of 
Comedian Lenny Bruce

(In italics below the sketch title is the reference in Justice Murtagh's decision to "obscene" material in the monologue. Bruce's monologues varied somewhat from performance to performance.  The bits below are not precisely those delivered at the Cafe Au Go Go in April 1964, but nonetheless help put the "obscene" references cited in Justice Murtagh's decision in context.  The first two bits below are among those found on a seventy-minute CD accompanying Ronald Collins' and David Skover's book, The Trials of Lenny Bruce (Sourcebooks, 2002).)

1.  "To is a Preposition, Come is a Verb"
"The verb 'to come,' with its obvious reference to sexual or orgasm. (1st performance)"
2.  "Thank You, Mask Man"
"The story dealing with the masked man, Tonto, and an unnatural sex act. (1st performance)"
3.  "Pissing in a Sink"
"'Pissing in the sink' and 'pissing' from a building's ledge. (2nd performance; 3rd performance)"

To is a Preposition, Come is a Verb

To is a preposition.
To is a preposition.
Come is a verb.
To is a preposition.
Come is a verb.
To is a preposition.
Come is a verb, the verb intransitive.
To come.
To come.
I've heard these two words my whole adult life, and as a kid when I thought I was sleeping.
To come.
To come.
It's been like a big drum solo.
Did you come?
Did you come?
Did you come good?
Did you come good?
Did you come good?
Did you come good?
Did you come good?
Did you come good?
Did you come good?
I come better with you, sweetheart, than with anybody in the whole goddamn world.
I really came so good and I came so good 'cause I love you.
I really came so good.
I come better with you, sweetheart, than anyone in the whole world.
I really came so good.
So good.
But don't come in me.
Don’t come in me.
Don’t come in me
Don't come in me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Don’t come in me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Don't come in me.
Don't come…. in me…in me in me.
Don’t come in me, in me….in me.
I can't come.
'Cause you don't love me--that's why you can't come.
I can't come.
I love you, I just can't come; that's my hang-up.
I can't come when I'm loaded, all right?
'Cause you don't love me.
Just what the hell is the matter with you-what has that got to do with loving? I just can't come that's all.
Now if anyone is this room or the world finds those two words decadent, obscene, immoral, amoral, asexual-- the words "to come" really make you feel uncomfortable--if you think I'm rank for saying it to you, you the beholder think it's rank for listening to it, you probably can't come. And then you're of no use, because that's the purpose of life, to re-create it.

Thank you, Mask Man**

[In this sketch, townspeople upset with the Lone Ranger's refusal to thank yous for his help, demand--at gun point--that the cultural icon explain his unwillingness to receive their expressions of gratitude.]

Redneck: Mask Man, what's your story, buddy?  You know Mr. Di Angelo, he's hoppin' ass mad at you. His momma made all those hot pancakes and you run'd off.  Run'd off and didn't wait for nuthin.  How come you're so snobby you can't accept love or thank you from nobody?

Lone Ranger: I'll explain--take your goddamn hands off me, you barbarians.  The reason I never wait for thank you …see …ah...Supposing for once I wait for thank you?

Redneck:Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: What's that?

Redneck: Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: Thank you, Masked man? Goddamn it, I like that! Let's hear it once again, son.

Redneck: Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: Thank you, Masked Man, ain't that sweet?

(In background) Mask man, help Mask Man, help we're being robbed, get the Mask Man!

Lone Ranger: Don’t break my balls now.  I've helped you people a lot.  I'm entitled to take one week off to get some thank yous.  You're not gonna get nuthin' if you keep it up. All right, let's have it again.

Redneck: Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: I'm gonna get a book, that's all, screw these people.  I'll get a Thank You Mask Man book.  I'll put it in the book. They'll say, "You in the shingle business?"  I'll say,  "You think I'm in the shingle business? - look at this: 'Thank you, Masked Man. The.people of Long Island.' Look at all the 'Thank you, Masked Mans'"….I'm going down to the mailbox to see if the 'Thank you, Mask Man" has been here today....Someone's been fooling with my mail, I know it.  Someone is foolin' with my mail! Where is my 'Thank you, Masked Man?'  There are no more 'Thank you, Mask Mans.'.  "The Messiah returned during the night." The Messiah?  What has this to do with me? "Well, you see men like yourself you thrived upon the continuance of segregation, violence and disease.  Now that Messiah has returned all is pure.  You're in the shit house." Well then, I'll make trouble because I'm geared for it and I must have a 'Thank you, Masked Man.' That's why I always ride off and never wait for 'thank you.'

Redneck: Man, you show up and talk some shit buddy!  I got a goddamn headache.  My head hurts me.  What the hell you talking about -"Thank you, Mask Man--the people of Long Island"? Look, I work for the city.  You know what I mean, buddy?  I got a job to do.  Now look, I'm here to see you accept a present, just one present.  Do it for the kids and we'll get the hell out of here.  What do you say?

Lone Ranger: Alright, for the children I'll do it.  Give me…give me…no ashtrays…Anything I like?

Redneck:Anything.  Just take a whip, or a doll--any of them of things on the top shelf.

Lone Ranger: I tell you what…Anything? Give me that Indian over there.

Redneck:Who's that…Tanto?

Lone Ranger: Yes, Tanta…I want Tanta the Indian.

Redneck:What you talking about?  You can't have Tanto.

Lone Ranger: Bullshit…You make the deal.  That's what I want.  I want Tanta the Indian.

Redneck:You gonna get you a Tanta buddy.  His name ain't Tanta it's Tant-o.  What the hell you want Tanto for?

Lone Ranger: To perform an unnatural act.

Redneck: What?

Lone Ranger: To perform an unnatural act.

Redneck:Oh…Mask Man is a fag.  Ah…ah…fag man.  A dirty fag, you dang queer you.  The Mask fag man, ain't that a kick in the ass.  Bet you got mascara under that damn mask ain't you? A dang queer, I never knew you a fag Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: I'm not a fag, but I read a lot about it and read expose and I want to try it now to see how bad it is, just once.  I like what they do with fags anyway.  Their punishment is quite correct.  They throw them in jail with a lot of men.  Very clever hum…hum…

Redneck:Wash him up and get him ready.

Lone Ranger: Tell you what - give me the horse too. 


Lone Ranger: For the Act.

**Bruce testified in the Jazz Workshop trial in San Francisco about the Lone Ranger sketch.  Prosecutor Ronald Ross had this exchange with Bruce:

Ross:  Well, specifically, you are talking about...the unnatural act between Lone Ranger and Tonto...
Bruce:  Yes...What's the most ridiculous thing that the Lone Ranger could do?  We assume that it's completely incongruous...He wants the Indian...To perform an unnatural act.   It is silly, you know...
Ross:  In other words, your were not trying to say anything about the unnatural act, then?  In other words, it was just for incongruity, then?  Was it trying to raise a laugh from the audience?  Was that its point? 
Bruce: What do you want from me?  Tell me--
Ross: Just your answers.
Bruce:  I didn't--I didn't want to encourage anyone in the audience to be perverse or perform an unnatural act.

Pissing in a Sink
[In his trial testimony, Inspector Ruhe read from his notes concerning the "Pissing in the Sink" sketch delivered by Bruce at the Cafe Au Go Go.  Bruce protested that Ruhe butchered his performance.:]

Now, I wonder how many of you in the audience have ever performed an unnatural pissing in the sink?....One time in your life have you ever pissed in a sink? [Monologue continues with story about a man who urinates in his apartment sink, angering his roommate.]...."What are you doing?"..."I am washing my leg."...."Bullshit, you were jerking off into the sink."...."No, really, I am washing my leg.".."Well, if you have to do it, go out on the ledge."...The fellow goes out onto the window ledge...People think he wants to commit suicide...All he wants to do is urinate...A priest talks to him...Fire trucks appear...nets and ladders...Finally, the guy's mother...."Mamma, all I want to do is take a piss."...."Go ahead, son, piss."...."I can't, Mamma, there are too many people looking....I can't piss when all these people are looking."....."So run some water down there....Turn on the hoses....Can't you see the boy wants to pee-pee?....."

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