Brown on Brown: John
Brown's Autobiographical Letter to Henry Stearns
July 15, 1857
MR. HENRY L. STEARNS,
MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND, I
have not forgotten my promise to write you: but my constant care, &
anxiety: have obliged me to put if off a long time. I do not flatter
myself
that I can write anything that will very much interest you: but have
concluded
to send you a short story of a certain boy of my acquaintance: &
for
convenience & shortness of name, I will call him John. This story
will be
mainly a narration of follies and errors; which it is to be hoped you
may
avoid; but there is one thing connected with it, which will be
calculated to
encourage any young person to persevering effort; & that is the
degree of
success in accomplishing his objects which to a great extent marked the
course
of this boy throughout my entire acquaintance with him; notwithstanding
his
moderate capacity; & still more moderate acquirements.
John was born May 9th,
1800, at Torrington, Litchfield Co. Connecticut; of poor but
respectable
parents: a descendant on the side of his Father of one of the company
of the
Mayflower who landed at Plymouth 1620. His mother was descended from a
man who
came at an early period to New England from Amsterdam, in Holland. Both
his
Fathers and his Mothers Fathers served in the war of the revolution:
His
Father's Father; died in a barn at New York while in the service, in
1776.
I cannot tell you of
anything in the first Four years of John's life worth mentioning save
that at
that early age he was tempted by Three large Brass Pins belonging to a
girl who
lived in the family & stole them. In this he was detected by his
Mother;
& after having a full day to think of the wrong; received from
her a
thorough whipping. When he was Five years old his Father moved to Ohio;
then a
wilderness filled with wild beasts, & Indians. During the long
journey
which was performed in part or mostly with an Oxteam ; he was called on
by
turns to assist a boy Five years older (who had been adopted by his
Father
& Mother) & learned to think he could accomplish smart things
in
driving the Cows; & riding the horses. Sometimes he met with Rattle
Snakes which
were very large; & which some of the company generally managed to
kill.
After getting in Ohio in 1805 he was for some time rather afraid of the
Indians, & of their Rifles; but this soon wore off : & he used
to hang
about them quite as much as was consistent with good manners; &
learned a
trifle of their talk. His father learned to dress Deer Skins, & at
6 years
old John was installed a young Buck Skin. He was perhaps rather
observing as he
ever after remembered the entire process of Deer Skin dressing; so that
he
could at any times dress his own leather such as Squirrel, Raccoon,
Cat, Wolf
or Dog Skins; and also learned to make Whip Lashes: which brought him
some
change at times; & was of considerable service in many ways. At Six
years
old John began to be quite a rambler in the wild new country finding
birds and
Squirrels and sometimes a wild Turkeys nest. But about this period he
was
placed in the School of adversity; which my young friend was a most
necessary
part of his early training. You may laugh when you come to read about
it ; but
these were sore trials to John whose earthly treasures were very few,
&
small. These were the beginning of a severe but much needed course of
discipline
which he afterwards was to pass through; & which it is to be hoped
has
learned him before this time that the Heavenly Father sees it best to
take all
the little things out of his hands which he has ever placed in them.
When John
was in his Sixth year a poor Indian boy gave him a Yellow Marble the
first he
had ever seen. This he thought a great deal of; & kept it a good
while; but
at last he lost it beyond recovery. It took years to heal the wound
& I
think he cried at times about it. About Five months after this he
caught a
young Squirrel tearing off his tail in doing it & getting severely
bitten
at the same time himself. He however held on to the little bob tail
Squirrel;
& finally got him perfectly tamed, so that he almost idolized his
pet. This
too he lost; by its wandering away; or by getting killed; & for
year or two
John was in mourning; and looking at all the Squirrels he could see to
try
& discover Bobtail, if possible. I must not neglect to tell
you of a very
bad & foolish habit to which John was somewhat addicted. I mean
telling
lies; generally to screen himself from blame; or from punishment. He
could not
well endure to be reproached; & I now think had he been oftener
encouraged
to be entirely frank ; by making frankness a kind of atonement for some
of his
faults; he would not have been so often guilty in after life of this
fault; nor
have been obliged to struggle so long with so mean a habit.
John was never
quarrelsome; but was excessively fond of the hardest & roughest
kind of
plays; & could never get enough [of] them. Indeed when for a short
time he
was sometimes sent to School the opportunity it afforded to wrestle,
& Snow
ball & run & jump & knock off old seedy Wool hats; offered
to him
almost the only compensation for the confinement, & restraints of
school. I
need not tell you that with such a feeling & but little chance of
going to
school at all : he did not become much of a scholar. He would
always choose to
stay at home & work hard rather than be sent to school; &
during the
Warm season might generally be seen barefooted & bareheaded: with
Buck skin
Breeches suspended often with one leather strap over his shoulder
but
sometimes with two. To be sent off through the wilderness alone to very
considerable distances was particularly his delight; & in this he
was often
indulged so that by the time he was Twelve years old he was sent off
more than
a Hundred Miles with companies of cattle; & he would have thought
his
character much injured had he been obliged to be helped in any such
job. This was
a boyish kind of feeling but characteristic however. At Eight years
old, John
was left a Motherless boy which loss was complete & permanent for
notwithstanding
his Father again married to a sensible, intelligent, and on many
accounts a
very estimable woman; yet he never adopted her in feeling; but
continued to
pine after his own Mother for years. This operated very unfavorably
upon him;
as he was both naturally fond of females; &, with all, extremely
diffident;
& deprived him of a suitable connecting link between the different
sexes;
the want of which might under some circumstances, have proved his ruin.
When
the war broke out with England: his Father soon commenced furnishing
the troops
with beef cattle, the collecting & driving of which afforded him
some
opportunity for the chase (on foot) of wild steers & other cattle
through
the woods. During this war he had some chance to form his own boyish
judgment
of men & measures: & to become somewhat familiarly acquainted
with some
who have figured before the country since that time. The effect of what
he saw
during the war was to so far disgust him with Military affairs that he
would
neither train, nor drill; but paid fines; & got along like a Quaker
until
his age finally has cleared him of Military duty. During the war with
England a
circumstance occurred that in the end made him a most determined
Abolitionist:
& led him to declare, or Swear: Eternal war with Slavery. He was
staying
for a short time with a very gentlemanly landlord since a United States
Marshall who held a slave boy near his own age very active,
intelligent, and
good feeling; & to whom John was under considerable obligation for
numerous
little acts of kindness. The Master made a great pet of John: brought
him to
table with his first company; & friends; called their attention to
every
little smart thing he said or did: & to the fact of his being more
than a
hundred miles from home with a company of cattle alone; while the negro
boy
(who was fully if not more than his equal) was badly clothed, poorly
fed; &
lodged in cold weather; & beaten before his eyes with Iron Shovels
or any
other thing that came first to hand. This brought John to reflect on
the
wretched, hopeless condition, of Fatherless & Motherless slave
children:
for such children have neither Fathers nor Mothers to protect &
provide for
them. He sometimes would raise the question is God their Father?
At the age of Ten years, an
old friend induced him to read a little history, & offered him the
free use
of a good library; by ; which he acquired some taste for reading: which
formed
the principle part of his early education: & diverted him in a
great
measure from bad company. He by this means grew to be very fond of the
company
& conversation of old & intelligent persons. He never attempted
to
dance in his life; nor did he ever learn to know one of a pack of Cards
from
another. He learned nothing of Grammar; nor did he get at school so
much
knowledge of common Arithmetic as the four grand rules.
This will give you some
general idea of the first Fifteen years of his life; during which time
he
became very strong & large of his age & ambitious to perform
the full labor
of a man; at almost any kind of hard work. By reading the lives of
great, wise
& good men their sayings, and writings; he grew to a dislike of
vain &
frivolous conversation & persons; & was often greatly obliged
by the
kind manner in which older & more intelligent persons treated him
at their
houses: & in conversation; which was a great relief on account of
his
extreme bashfulness. He very early in life became ambitious to excel in
doing
anything he undertook to perform. This kind of feeling I would
recommend to all
young persons both Male & female: as it will certainly tend to
secure
admission to the company of the more intelligent; & better portion
of every
community. By all means endeavor to excel in some laudable pursuit. I
had liked
to have forgotten to tell you of one of John's misfortunes which set
rather
hard on him while a young boy. He had by some means perhaps by gift of
his
Father become the owner of a little Ewe Lamb which did finely till it
was about
Two Thirds grown; & then sickened and died. This brought another
protracted
mourning season: not that he felt the pecuniary loss so heavily: for
that was
never his disposition; but so strong & earnest were his
attachments. John
had been taught from earliest childhood to "fear God & keep his
commandments;" & though quite skeptical he had always by turns felt
much serious doubt as to his future well being; & about this time
became to
some extent a convert to Christianity & ever after a firm believer
in the
divine authenticity of the Bible. With this book he became very
familiar, &
possessed a most unusual memory of its entire contents.
Now some of the things I
have been telling of; were just such as I would recommend to you: &
adopted
them as part of your own plan of life; & I wish you to have some
definite
plan. Many seem to have none; & others never to stick to any that
they do
form. This was not the case with John. He followed up with tenacity
whatever he
set about so long as it answered his general purpose: & hence he
rarely
failed in some good degree to affect the "things he undertook. This was
so
much the case that he habitually expected to 'Succeed in his
undertakings. With
this feeling should be coupled; the consciousness that our plans are
right in
themselves.
During the period I have named, John had acquired a
kind of ownership to certain animals of some little value but as he had
come to
understand that the title of minors might be a little imperfect: he had
recourse to various means in order to secure a more independent; &
perfect
right of property. One of these means was to exchange with his Father
for
something of far less value. Another was by trading with other persons
for
something his Father had never owned. Older persons have sometimes
found
difficulty with titles.
From
fifteen to Twenty years old, he spent most of his time working at the
Tanner
& Currier's trade keeping Bachelors hall; & he officiating as
Cook;
& for most of the time as foreman of the establishment under his
Father.
During this period he found much trouble with some of the bad habits I
have
mentioned & with some that I have not told you of: his conscience
urging
him forward with great power in this matter: but his close attention to
business; & success in its management; together with the way he got
along
with a company of men, & boys; made him quite a favorite with the
serious
& more intelligent portion of older persons. This was so much the
case;
& secured for him so many little notices from those he esteemed;
that his
vanity was very much fed by it : & he came forward to manhood quite
full of
self-conceit; & self-confidant; notwithstanding his extreme
bashfulness. A
younger brother used sometimes to remind him of this: & to repeat
to him
this expression which you may somewhere find, "A King against whom
there is
no rising up."
The habit so early formed
of being obeyed rendered him in after life too much disposed to speak
in an
imperious or dictating way. From Fifteen years & upward he felt a
good deal
of anxiety to learn; but could only read & study a little; both for
want of
time; & on account of inflammation of the eyes. He however managed
by the
help of books to make himself tolerably well acquainted with common
Arithmetic;
& Surveying; which he practiced more or less after he was Twenty
years old.
At a little past Twenty years led by his own inclination & prompted
also by
his Father, he married a remarkably plain; but industrious &
economical
girl; of excellent character; earnest piety; & good practical
common sense;
about one year younger than himself. This woman by her mild, frank,
& more
than all else; by her very consistent conduct; acquired & ever
while she
lived maintained a most powerful; & good influence over him. Her
plain but
kind admonitions generally had the right effect; without arousing his
haughty
obstinate temper. John began early in life to discover a great liking
to fine
Cattle, Horses, Sheep, & Swine; & as soon as circumstances
would enable
him he began to be a practical Shepherd; it being a calling for which
in early
life he had a kind of enthusiastic longing: together with the idea that
as a
business it bid fair to afford him the means of carrying out his
greatest or
principal object. I have now given you a kind of general idea of the
early life
of this boy; & if I believed it would be worth the trouble; or
afford much
interest to any good feeling person; I might be tempted to tell you
something
of his course in after life; or manhood. I do not say that I will do it.
You will discover that in using up my half
sheets to
save paper; I have written two pages, so that one does not follow the
other as
it should. I have no time to write it over; & but for unavoidable
hindrances in traveling I can hardly say when I should have written
what I
have. With an honest desire for your best good, I subscribe myself,
Your Friend, J. BROWN.
P.S. I had like
to have forgotten to acknowledge your contribution in aid of the cause
in which
I serve. God Almighty bless you; my son. J. B.
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